הפסיכולוגית ג'סיקה צוקר, הייתה בשבוע ה-16 עם הילד השני שלה כשעברה הפלה. צוקר היא פסיכולוגית המתמחה בבריאות נפשית של אמהות, והיא בילתה כמעט עשור כשבין לקוחותיה הרבה נשים שעברו הפלות והגיעו כדי לעבד את החוויה. אבל רק כשזה קרה לה, צוקר הבינה את הסטיגמה ואת ההשקטה שיש סביב נשים שחוות הפלות.

היא החליטה לעבד את חווית האובדן שלה בעצמה, וישבה לכתוב מאמרים שונים בנושא. היא הוסיפה את ההאשטג #IhadAmiscarriage – הייתה לי הפלה. היא ראתה שהחוויה עושה לה ולנשים אחרות טוב, ולכן החליטה לפתוח חשבון אינסטגרם בעל אותו השם, וככה נולד החשבון IHadAMiscarriage בשנת 2015, על מנת שגם נשים אחרות יוכלו לתייג את החשבון ולהעלות את הסיפורים האישיים שלהן על האובדן העצוב שעברו. "זה מאוד עצוב אבל הפלות הן מאוד מאוד שכיחות", אומרת צוקר למגזין SELF, "אבל נשים עדיין מרגישות מאוד לבד כשזה קורה להן".

על פי ארגון המיילדות והגניקולוגיה האמריקאי, 10 אחוז מההריונות מסתיימים בהפלה, ונשים רבות מאבדות הריון עוד לפני שהן ידעו בכלל שהן בהריון. רוב ההפלות מתרחשות בטרימסטר הראשון, ובערך 50% מהן קורות בגלל בעיות כרומוזמליות בעובר. החוויה הפרטית של צוקר התרחשה דווקא בטרימסטר השני. "ההריון הראשון שלי הלך חלק ובלי שום בעיות", היא אומרת, "ובאותו זמןן ישבתי בקליניקה עם נשים שחוו הפלות, לידות שקטות, אובדן תינוקות. זה לא גרם לי לחרדות, ידעתי שאני אהיה בסדר. כמה שנים מאוחר יותר החלטנו לנסות שוב. נכנסתי להריון שוב די מהר, ואחרי 16 שבועות התחילו לי דימומים קלים".

@dear_orla shares: "Today I have been feeling a lot of intense emotions as I start to really sort out Orla's things, deciding what is hers and what we will share with her sibling. I have felt overwhelmed with grief, that has exposed a vulnerability that I've been pretty good at denying for a while. I am learning that pregnancy after loss brings new waves of grief, new realisations of what could have been. _ Then I received my photos from my maternity shoot this week. Each one shows my locket, where I carry a curl of Orla's hair, and my belly in which I am carrying our rainbow. Photos so full of love and hope ❤��" _ #IHadAMiscarriage #stillbirth #stillborn #motherhood #pregnancyafterloss #grief #loss #rainbowbaby #dearorla #1in160

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לאחר מכן התחילה לצוקר לידה, והיא ילדה לבד בבית, כאשר היא חותכת לבד את חבל הטבור ומדממת מאוד. בעלה חזר הביתה והבהיל אותה לבית החולים, שם עברה פרוצדורה ללא אלחוש להסרת השלייה ושאריות ההריון. "אחרי שעתיים חזרתי הביתה, ולא הייתי בהריון יותר", היא מספרת. "זה היה אחד הדברים הקשים שעברתי בחיי. זה היה מאוד טראומתי".

הבדיקות הראו שלעובר אכן היו אנומליות בכרומוזומים, וסביר שצוקר הייתה מחליטה על סיום הריון בכל מקרה. לאחר זמן מה היא ובעלה החלו לנסות שוב, צוקר נכנסה להריון וילדה תינוק בריא. "הריון אחרי אובדן הוא חזרה ללב הטראומה", היא אומרת, "את אמורה להיות שם במשך 9 חודשים שלמים, כל יום. האובדן שלי השפיע על המטופלות שלי, הוא ניחם אותן וגם הפחיד אותן, אבל מהמקום הזה באמת יכולתי לשנות באופן עמוק ומהותי את ההסתכלות על העבודה שלי, הבנתי את אותן נשים מבפנים עכשיו".

מאז החוויה שעברה צוקר היא מנסה לעורר מודעות לנושא, על כמה שכיחה הפלה ועל איך עוזרים לנשים להתמודד עם תחושות הבושה וחוסר האונים. "מחקרים מראים שנשים חוות טראומות, בושה, האשמה עצמית ואשמה אחרי אובדן הריון".

דרך חשבון האינסטגרם הזה, ודרך פעולות מודעות שהיא עושה מדי שנה באוקטובר, החודש שבו איבדה את ההריון, צוקר מקווה להראות לנשים ואמהות שהן לא לבד. "אנשים מכירים בכוחה של הקהילה, ברגע שמוציאים את הכל החוצה. אני לא צריכה להכיר אותך, כי זאת מדיה חברתית, אבל אני מכירה את כל הרגשות שאת מרגישה. חלק מזה הוא באמת להראות שאנחנו הרבה יותר דומים ממה שאנחנו חושבים".

Wilde + Grieving by @brianpleahy. Stories from around the world (Los Angeles, CA). Posted with permission. _ "The other day I had to run an errand at UCLA, just a few blocks from Ronald Reagan Medical Center, a hospital that my wife and I became very familiar with over the last two years. As I drove through campus, I could feel a sudden panic rush through me. I was suddenly short of breath. Forcing myself out of the car, I realized I was still grieving. _ Our son Wilde had fetal hydrops. The fluid that had spread through his abdomen and around his heart and lungs was the result of some rare defect that even their state-of-the-art instruments could not pinpoint. _ We tried everything. We tracked down the best in fetal medicine. We tracked down researchers in Barcelona, in Chile, emailing them at midnight in the hopes that they would, I don’t know, respond with a miraculous new cure. We were grasping at straws. _ And then this neonatologist sat us down and told us that Wilde could not survive in this world. His life—should he make it that far—would be characterized by repeat surgeries and constant suffering. We did what parents never imagine they will have to do: We decided to terminate. _ I thought for a long time that my grief lived in those exam rooms. In the conference room where we met with the neonatologist. In the subterranean parking garage across the street where we cried after every agonizing appointment. _ But the grief still lives in me, two years later. It lives in all of us. _ The other day, my 4-year-old daughter told me, “I’m sad that we don’t have Wilde, but I’m happy we have Matea.” Matea, our rainbow child. Amazing how my 4-year-old can express her grief so literally, so openly. _ As for me, I’m still learning." _ #IHadAMiscarriage #stillbirth #infantloss #miscarriage #grief #loss #fatherhood // Art by @times.new.romance.

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I think it's official! We might actually be bidding farewell to the stigma surrounding pregnancy and infant loss in real time as the press continues to flood in about this account. _ I've been rendered speechless the past couple of days by the continued coverage of my work, with the hope of squashing the shame associated with miscarriage. _ I was floored when I stumbled upon @cosmopolitan_fr's piece and countless others today! @bustle @romperdotcom and more coming soon. Australia, New Zealand, South Africa, the U.K., France: truly global. This was my aim. _ In answer to questions that have rolled in: ✨ Pregnancy and infant loss cards as well as enamel pins are available in my online shop: shop.drjessicazucker.com. ✨ Rainbow mama and babe tees are available through @feministapparel. I teamed up with them a few months back. They handle all production and orders. ✨ If you'd like to share your story on this page, please feel free to DM me for guidelines. . ✨ To see the full list of press coverage of the #IHadAMiscarriage campaign, head over to my online shop. ✨ Be sure to check out my IG stories where I highlight amazing women in the loss community doing bad ass work in an effort to build community and break silence. _ I commissioned @samanthajhahn to do this beautiful artwork for the #IHadAMiscarriage campaign. As always, her work is next level. _ #IHadAMiscarriage #miscarriage #pregnancyloss #stillbirth #grief #loss #motherhood #rainbowbaby #pregnancyafterloss #infantloss #1in4 // Original piece found in @selfmagazine. Link in profile.

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Invisible Girl by @pieraluisa. Posted with permission. _ There is an invisible girl in this photo. Look closely. Can you see her? No? Perhaps, then, I imagined her. You're right. I did. _ I imagined a lot. A life. A love. _ You upside down on the monkey bars Me clenching my teeth in fear while cheering you on. My fearless girl. My powerful girl. I wanted to keep you that way. _ For a while you were real. Confirmed by a heartbeat. A squirm. A black and white image. With me, a surfacing sense of possibility. A yearning so deep I wanted to hide it from myself. _ Apprehension too. For compromise, identity mutated, for what life might be and not be. I wanted you so bad, but you scared me. _ Did I scare you? _ Then one day, a rush of blood. Running panicked through an office. A hospital. A sharp inhale. _ Did you know that if you hold your breath you can stop time? I tried to create a force field so bad news couldn't land on us. I tried that and it didn't work. _ Desire calcified in the moment it was not. Grief cracked me wide open. Heart way too open now. If there is such a thing. My world filmed in a lace-like web of beauty and pain. Small moments unfolding, opening trap doors. _ As I reconfigure my dreams, don't tell me that I lived too much. Shhhhhhhhhhh. Just listen. Shhhhhhhhhhh. _ 'Cause I see it all right now. Life's mysteries laid bare. And I don’t want advice, I just want to be. _ Now sleeping with a palm-sized rock. Grieving an invisible girl. Molten to the touch when I wake, empty, filled up. _ Wherever you are, I'll save this space for you. And know I can always find you here. _ #IHadAMiscarriage #miscarriage #pregnancyloss #stillbirth #infantloss #motherhood #grief #loss #1in4 // Photo by @prue_stent.

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Redefining Rainbows by @water.doc.doyle. Stories from around the world (San Jose, CA). Posted with permission. _ Storm clouds formed in early 2016 as my OB searched for life in my swelling belly but found silence instead. I sat drenched in the eye of the storm as I consented to surgery, recovered and consented to more surgery. I was empty and hopeless, ravaged by the downpour I never saw coming. _ In late October, the storm broke and a dot of brilliant red and orange peeked through the clouds. The rainbow grew from two pink lines and a wave of nausea. As the weeks passed and my body eased into familiar pregnant form, my anxiety tapered and the sky grew more vibrant with color and hope. _ Then it was January 23, 2017 and a category five storm darkened the sky and left me shattered and soaked. The faith I had clung to swept away by another statue on the ultrasound screen. _ I am left in the aftermath of these storms and learning that my rainbow must be redefined. I choose to walk out of the storm instead of continuing to drown with my family. But I am still a rainbow mom because I continue to survive the storm and paint the sky brilliant with my own rainbow. _ #IHadAMiscarriage #miscarriage #rainbowbaby #motherhood #grief #loss #pregnancyafterloss #stillbirth #infantloss #1in4 // Artwork by @ricardilus.

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@expressionsuntold_ shares: "Why be ashamed? A life grew inside of you that gives humanity hope of change. You felt things that I as a man will never understand. Even when you first held your baby it was nothing similar to when they lay in their father's hands. Your body changed and so did you. It became a look into the past of what you went through. You grew mentally and emotionally and your spirit was taken to places you didn't think it would ever go. Your breasts may sit differently. Your ass may not be as thick as it once was. But why should it be when you gave so much of yourself to help all of us. A sacrifice of sorts if you choose to see it that way. But to me your body now is exactly how it's supposed to be. Don't be ashamed. Don't hide your changes from the world that you and your sisters helped create. Be proud of your story. Be proud of your lines. Be proud of who you've chosen to be." _ Muse: @sereneradianceyoga. Photo by @expressionsuntold_. _ #IHadAMiscarriage #pregnancy #bodyimage #pregnancyloss #motherhood #birth

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That first period following pregnancy/infant loss. The blood: Its color, Its meaning. _ A flood of grief. _ The "at least my body is working" mantra. _ Remembering the blood that indicated the beginning of the end. _ A glaring reminder that you are no longer pregnant. _ Starting again, maybe. Anticipation. Hope that there will be future pregnancies that last. _ Not knowing. No control. A surreal state of being. _ Loss of an identity you once knew and thought was ironclad. _ Menstruation can mean so many different things to women around the globe, and for those of us who have miscarried, that first period post-loss can trigger unimaginable memories and maybe even a little bit of hope. _ More words from me on this topic over at @her.period every Sunday in July. _ #IHadAMiscarriage #miscarriage #pregnancyloss #stillbirth #infantloss #motherhood #grief #loss #menstruation #1in4 // Photo found via @zinteta.

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@habe_mccoy shares: "It has been exactly 23 weeks and 6 days since I have carried Evie in my body. She has now been gone for as long as she was here. I think about her every day. Many times throughout the day. I think about how big she'd be now. How much joy she should be bringing us. How much joy she'd bring the world, if she were a healthy baby. I think about how fat she would be and how beautiful she'd be. Would she have thick, dark hair and green eyes like Dave and I both have? I think about what it would be like to nurse her. To feel her sweet little hand against my breast as she made those little gulps and nuzzled sounds that nursing babies do. I will always think of what should have been. The pain of not holding her isn't as intense as it was, but I think it is deeper now. I can see beyond the ache of not holding her anymore. I can see all of it now. Every single milestone missed. _ I have been preparing my body and Dave has been preparing his to hopefully create another human, one that is healthy. But no matter who that little human is, they will never replace Evie. I will never be the same again. I will always remember each milestone and think of what should have been. _ Missing my stardust baby today. ��✨✨" _ Art by @tinamariaelena. _ #IHadAMiscarriage #stillbirth #infantloss #pregnancyloss #miscarriage #motherhood #lossmom #pregnancyafterloss #grief #loss #1in4

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אנחנו ממליצות בחום לעקוב אחר החשבון המרגש והמשמעותי הזה, ותזכרי - את אף פעם לא לבד.

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